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When I was younger I was always happy,
And very rarely sad,
But about a year ago,
Everything went from good to bad.
I now grow distant each day,
Every evening I lie in my bed,
Tear streaked cheeks,
Wishing I was dead.
It's no different at school,
I have become a freak,
I am bullied everyday,
Everything has turned bleak.
I asked for help,
And I recieved the same phrase,
It's cause your a teenager,
You'll get over it one of these days.
It got worse a few months later,
I took a breath and cut my arm,
Watched the blood drip,
Yes, I self harm.
I cry every night,
Till I eventually fall asleep,
But then morning comes,
And again I weep.
Standing on the EdgeI'm standing on the edge looking down,
I hate myself for doing this,
But I cannot fight no more,
I just wish to find my bliss.
I think that I will endure this,
Standing on the edge looking back at my past,
I wonder who would miss me,
And how long I would last.
I think my friends hate me,
They no longer call or text,
I wish they know how much I'll miss them,
It shouldn't be all vexed.
This is too sudden,
And I'm the one to blame,
Perhaps I should rethink this,
This is no longer a game.
Why were they so mean,
Couldn't we all just get along?
It would just be a lot easier,
If people would just admit their wrong.
But now that I'm up here,
It doesn't seem too bad,
I wonder who wouldn't miss me,
And I wonder who would be sad.
I lean forward and begin to fall,
With my life before my eyes,
I now know I'll be at peace,
And no longer have to hear their lies.
Depression is a Killer
Give me pills, Shoot me, just kill me,
What's the point in living in this hell hole called life,
I've lost everything I ever wanted just leave me be,
Just let me die and let me be free.
Around and Around these useless feelings go,
I feel numb, no pain, just blank nothing,
People think it's attention seeking and at like its a show,
If you knew how I felt you would eat your words.
I tend to lay on my bed,
Staring blankly at the ceiling,
Thoughts of suicide in my head,
I know I'm hated so why am I still living?
The constant chanting of horrible names,
Stupid, Ugly, Tart, A freak,
They all make it into stupid little games,
"Hey lets play upset the ugly girl!"
All I want is to die,
Cut myself, over dose do anything,
But no matter how hard I try,
I just find that I cannot.
Why am I always holding back,
There's nothing worth living for so why stop?
It's the courage to do so which is what I lack,
So until I am brave enough my death will have to wait.
The Monster inside of MeInside my body there is a monster that you've never seen,
A mind full of self-loathing and hate,
A heart icy and as hard as stone,
Clinging onto my body, a dead weight,
Trapped from the real world by a screen.
I can see,
That you don't believe me,
Not many people do,
But I've got one monster full of anger and rage,
You can understand why I would need a cage.
Now that may not be true,
There's one monster that exists in me which I hate so would you,
Salty tears which stain my face,
A mourning sorrow entwining me in lace.
Hard to believe that so many monsters are inside of me,
Anger, Sorrow and Depression,
Out of reach so you can't see,
I try to find a cure its becoming on obsession,
I just wish to be in peace to just die,
But as much I want to I can't, no matter how hard I try.
I'm sorry, I'm not like the othersI'm sorry I'm not like other girls,
I'm sorry I don't do excersise,
I'm sorry I don't shine like pearls,
Just please leave me alone.
I know I'm stupid and weak,
What more do you want from me?
I'm suffering here, help is what i seek,
Is it so hard to get?
I like to shut myself in my room,
To escape my fears and be happy,
The outside world is full of doom,
Why can't you accept my choice?
Now I'm very ill,
It's called depression in case you care,
It makes me sick to the gill,
Knowing that my life is gone.
People say Im looking for attention,
I'm sorry if thats what you want,
If someone says that I happen to mention,
It's no attention seeking its stating the truth.
So now I end on this final note,
I'm sorry I'm not like the others,
A tear stained letter containing what I wrote,
And now I'm set to die.
I see you looking,
At my arm,
In case you didnt figure,
I self harm
You asked me how did i get those scars,
I said that i got them in a fight,
What was this fight?
A fight to make me right.
Whenever I get angry,
Or do something wrong,
I start to cut myself,
As an attempt to become strong.
The scars never fade,
They stay by my side,
I often wear long sleeves,
Even though I have nothing to hide.
You have hear what I have had to say,
So I end on this very note,
Do not cut yourself like I have done,
And thank you for reading what I wrote.
SuicideHearts which broke into shards of glass,
The life which flows like sand through Deaths grasp,
In the darkness where lies our fate,
Who knows how long we will have to wait.
When something bad happens we try to forget,
Act as if it isn't a worry or a threat,
Sometimes we make a wish that we regret,
We all have, I bet.
Those who don't take caution are the ones who bleed,
But those who do are the ones who succeed,
As death takes its place it seems like night,
But as your life flashes before you there's a light.
You have finally found peace and you're blessed,
You have lived your full life and now you can rest,
Let peace fill your body and fill your mind,
Be grateful that Death has been so kind.
Death is my saviourDeath is my life, Death is my saviour,
Everyone thinks I'm weird due to my behaviour,
I always hide away from the world, never really caring,
When its non-uni at school I find everyone's staring,
That girl is weird, ugly, a freak,
I've found the world very grey and bleak.
I'm not able to live a simple life without there being any faults,
Being involved in too many assaults,
I just block out the empty world I live in,
People say that believing in satan is a sin,
I just give them a shrug and a smile saying that's me,
But that's all a lie, fake can't you see?
At home I'm just the same,
This is really serious not a game,
I'm not able to tell the truth only lies,
It is not fair on others it brings tears to my eyes,
I cannot laugh, I cannot smile,
Well I can but it will only last a little while.
I have to wear a mask to hide all emotions,
It is just the same with my motions,
I lie in my room wishing to die,
Not able to find an exit no matter how hard I try,
It's not fair I can't be normal,
DreamsStaring out of the window only seeing sorrow,
In her very early tomorrow,
Walking through the world, cold and grey,
Waiting for it to end every day.
Staring into the black sky hoping to find a star,
To help me sail my fears and misery very far,
Wanting there to be a little bit of hope,
Or at least make her life easier to cope.
Love concurs all, well so they say,
It's not like it will keep her fears at bay,
Staring at the ceiling night after night,
Wanting to block out the horrible sight.
She dreams that she is normal with no faults,
Never being involved in any assaults,
Not once being teased about how she looks,
That sounds better written in a volume of books.
A single tear sheds at night before she sleeps,
Broadcasting her worst fears so she weeps,
They say dreams are meant to be good,
Mine aren't but they should.
Showing so many different ways to end her life,
The simplest way is to use a knife,
Or maybe take loads of pills?
But make sure it never spills.
The girl whose dreams are li
Stereotype MeYou try to make me fit into your stupid thoughts
as one thing
I am only a thing to you
something you can fit into a category
I am a cheerleader
that must mean I'm stupid or popular
Just because I wear black clothes
and eyeliner I am goth
And every day I read books
Which makes me automatically a nerd
I don't have tons of friends to hang out with
so now I am a loner
To you I am an object
that you can place
where you see fit
I am much more than that
in every way
I am a cheerleader
and so much more than that
I am me
so just try
to stereotype me
Opposite Her SmileShe's lost.
An ocean of fantasy raging with waves of twisted dreams before her eyes.
As the charcoal moon darkens the day,
The girl continues to walk through the glass shards.
Where is the line between this torment and the light?
To her left, nothing is right, and to her right, nothing is left.
What lays on the horizon that she chases after?
With a heart that's fragmented,
Her tears force it to beat with the rhythm of a clock.
Perhaps the melancholy of it all will subdue her?
Falling off a shoulder is a tattered ball gown,
Decorated in withered rose petals.
Echoes from her past make her twitch with insanity.
Trying to fix her mistakes with more,
Her inconsistent smile becomes plastic.
A self destructing happiness.
The mirror that whispers lies to her,
She is disintegrating into an onyx colored dust,
Her voice will not return any longer.
Something wrong..Is there something wrong with me?
A reason why I'm always getting hurt?
As there really something wrong with me?
A reason why my knees keep hitting dirt
I need to know why love keeps leaving my grasp
A reason why i cant over come my past
I'm sick of feeling heart broken, all alone in this world
I so badly want to find love, not just keep spinning in a twirl
My heart has been cracked about six times through the years
Now my heart is shattered and I keep seeing tears
I wish you know how I felt for you so you can rid this pain
I know what you've been through and I have been through the same
Hopefully soon you will notice and tell me how you feel
Hopefully things will become better, lets make it part of the deal
Tell me you love me and i'll tell you the same
Lets hold each other close and finally get that special kiss in the rain
KarmaIts now or never.
There's no going back.
I have to do this now.
But do I even have the guts?
No, I should think not.
It may be too late anyhow.
But even so...
Is there any hope?
Will I be forgiven or will I be sent away?
I will always be an outcast.
I can't help who I am.
I can't help what I look like.
So what can I help?
It's gotten to the point where I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
It's like nobody understands what I'm going through.
(This is what I think every day.)
Its as if I'm trapped in a timewarp.
A timewarp where everything passes by forever.
There is no end.
Only a middle.
Where did my sanity go?
Did I have any to start with?
Will I ever be sane again?
Or will I forever be forced to strain my body and emotions to keep afloat in the midist?
It's not like I want to be here.
Yet I told myself that I would rather be anywhere than back there.
I got what I deserved.
Ain't karma a bitch?
ReleasedI was chained tightly up
In my own bitter thoughts
Of endless pain and misery
Dreams filled with death
You released me
In your arms I fall
And forget myself again
Bitter thoughts disappear
When you gently hold me
My heart will be
Yours to carry for
As it'll wither away
By the day you are gone
I never felt this real
You made me whole forevermore
So What Do I Do?If only I could read your mind
If only I could interpret you emotions
Understand what you're going through
See through your eyes
Hear through your ears
Feel through your heart
If only I knew how to help you
But I can't
And I don't
And it's killing me
So what do I do?
Always DefeatedI just run; faster than the wind. I can't stay. I won't.
All of this hurts
To remain standing, when all I am, is torn down.
Can you hear my screams?
Or just the silence
As I take a step into the unknown, will you hold my hand? Will you ever believe in me?
I keep trying but, all those words spoken, make me want to cry; to give up and to let go of all I know.
And you know the pain never stops. It's like a never ending empty void, which is sucking me in and I wonder when this will be done.
Will I be the one who won?
Or will I be the loser everyone knows me to be?
It's RightIt just feels right....
When my head's right in the crook of your neck
and your arms are low behind my waist,
squeezing me gently.
When we're laying close right before sleeping
and your fingers grasp my hipbone,
giving off that slight heat.
When we have to separate for those long months
and how our tears fall afterwards,
hiding our similar weaknesses.
When you hold me close and whisper I'm yours
and how I know you belong to me,
feeling how real this is.
When we've continued to love so powerfully
and it hasn't faded through time,
just knowing it's true.
.... Everything's just right.
AloneSilence... The breath from which her emotions flow...
Adorned with depression that appears to her so fluently...
A voice... Slow and soothing, whispers hateful abuse...
Smooth strokes... Ornament her limbs with gore from all of these things...
Silence... She feels so alone, a misfit child in a world of her own...
A voice... Her piers who mock unknown of her pain they cause aloft of every other word they say...
A love... Of which she doesn't understand...
She believes he feels nothing when he holds her hand...
No one hears her cry... But if you listen so closely you may come upon... A silent voice whispering to herself of her hate, her love, and her depression...
This is her obsession. For she knows not anything else.
I'm sorry, I couldn't take it no moreShe's just lying there,
Wishing she was dead,
The cold whispers,
In her head,
You know no one loves you,
That no one cares,
That you'd be better off,
Not even there,
Take out the knife,
Aim at your wrist,
A deep line,
You get the gist,
As the blood flows in a red stream,
This isn't a nightmare it's just a dream,
Write your letter,
While you can,
"Lots of love From Anne",
Crumpled body lay on the floor,
I'm sorry I couldn't take it no more.
Her CatalystAs she walks through the maelstrom, the words trace upon the tips of her fingers and press into the stone. Every brick, every crack in the concrete, every crossed and angular stroke in reds and blacks and oranges. The drips of the gasoline pool around the base of her boots, slosh as she steps over the burst pipes and the rubble.
So much rubble. So little outcry. The silence of the city grates on her eardrums and the mantras she'd been forced to memorize. The Seers demanded they observe thirteen years of recitation before they attempt to weave their first World together.
But who other than the Seers can claim the incantations that knot the skeins they twist and pull on like reins hold fast? When have any of the Sisters recorded the visions they traced upon space-time and recited them, left them open for critique and discussion and debate?
Which is why she walks through the chalky soot of the smashed city around her. This all
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